Blur

These days fly by in a blur. The hours I spend with Baby Man have no linear time to them. I watch him as he learns to mimic and smile and drink countless bottles and am astounded that two hours are gone.

I have been spending more time with him while his mommy is in flight training. She has a new position at Aligence Airlines where she will pilot their planes. Spending more time is a good thing, new job for her is not so good for me. Baby Man, as I call him will only be with me for another month or so instead of the five years they had hoped. Florida is not on my horizons as it is in theirs.

Back to the blur. Spending time in the blur happens when I am with him. The blur occurs when I am writing or when I used to do art work. Hours fly by, accounted for yet there is a distinct difference to the feeling of the time. It is that kind of moment when you look up and wonder, "Where did the time go?" The blur for me is some of the best time on earth. It is when I am most connected to another, an idea, a force. It has happened while on a bike ride on the beautiful trail in the Pacific Northwest that I miss so much, it has happened sitting in the sun watching the waves break and feeling its warmth on my skin. The blur happens in the kitchen when I am in midst of timing an amazing meal and it's almost done. It concurs with that first bite that is an absolute mouth orgasm of amazing. The blur happens in her arms on Saturday afternoons. The three day birthday weekend spent in Bellingham was blur time. Baking in the kitchen with my Grandma Johnson when I was a kid was blur time. Floating down the river on inner tubes slow but fast - that's blur time.

Here is the thing about the blur, it goes by so fast but it's so damn good. Here's to embracing the blur.

Day 9 "Bookie"

The day of the BIG game, Tuesday the 7th of January,  between Alabama and Norte Dame Karen and I were having a conversation about betting. Remember, we do live in Vegas and it is legal to place bets here. We are not gamblers but are well acquainted with one in particular. He was racing off  to the casino to place bets for himself and a few friends prior to the game. It got me to thinking, since Norte Dame was slated to win by only 10 points what would happen if they did not? What happens when the point spread that is bet fails to occur? What happens when just as in this big game, where the predicted outcome was turned completely upside down? What happens is this...

Ha, the bookmaker, or "bookie" gets rich and everyone else goes home with nada, zip, or shit as they say. Now in my massage therapy career I met many people and one of them had a bookie landscaping business. He had inherited the business from his step father and kept it alive and well. Well enough he lived in a 5,000 sf house in an affluent neighborhood and helped raise 5 kids that were not his own. He seemed an affable guy. While doing his massages I would occasionally have to answer the door (since he asked me to) and take whatever cash was being placed as the payment for services bet. They were usually men in suits (physicians, attorneys, professionals,  etc.) whose very nice car were kept running as they sprinted up to the door. There was never much said between either of us. I would just answer the door and smile and take the money handed to me.

It never occurred to me until this week just how Ron made his money. I don't know why. I just thought it was funny that I actually knew a real life bookie landscaper.

Strength

Strength is a funny thing. It comes in many forms. Physically, emotionally, mentally. To me, being patient is a sign of strength. It takes a strong character to be patient and wait. To leave words unsaid.

In my life today, strength is represented by be willing to do what is necessary. Even if it isn't necessarily what I want to be doing. Strength is be willing to show up, do what I am asked, put my best face on, and take on the day. And some days, strength means getting up again tomorrow and doing it all again.

Strength also comes in taking on a new work out routine. Even when muscles hurt that I had forgotten I had, strength is getting up early enough to do it again tomorrow before work. What I love is that not only does it make me feel better, in the long run I love feeling the physicality of strength in my body. Muscles are awesome. Getting toned is awesome. Strength can feel mighty good.

Lastly, what comes is mind is the strength is takes to be vulnerable. You must be so strong in order to be exposed, vulnerable, and what many consider as weak. To really be yourself and lay your heart and soul out on the table. It isn't easy but it's wonderful to let others know the real you. Too see you, the good and the questionable, the positive and the less than delightful, the all of you. It takes strength to be human, to be humble, to be.

Absence

So, you know the title to my blog? Well there is a reason for it, because like most people plagued with ADHD I often flitter through my life like a hummingbird on crack. Yep. I do. And, while I have a lot of  energy I very often lack focus. Severely lack focus.
Things in my life have been quite challenging for me since the move and not wanting to bemoan or complain I just have avoided writing here. While I still am feeling every bit as lost and completely afloat in the career abyss I have decided to surrender to it and just make each day, each shift bearable and go about it with the best attitude I can muster. After all, really, I am still here. I still get another chance, while so many I have known and loved do not. I am so very grateful for that.
So, the idea I have been bouncing around is a word a day...and some sort of essay to go with it. Because after all, I seem to always have something to say and it is a good way to kick off a creative look into language. I figure I have four days of ketchup (catch up...I mean!! Ha, ha, ha!) to do, but if I start now then I have 364 days to write and just a few to catch up.