Do What You Love...

and the money will follow. What Color is your Parachute? Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. The Artist Way. Have you read these books? I have. Did they change me, did they alter the direction of my life? Nope. Not at all. Here I am years later, still with the same desire, still not doing what I dream of.

What I dream of, I will share that eventually but first I want to take ownership of why I think this has not happened.

Many reasons, but here are a few obvious ones to me and those who have spent a decent amount of time in a relationship with me;

 ~Focus. I lack it. Daily. I get pulled into a million directions just walking down my own hallway trying to get from the kitchen to my bedroom. I might stop in the bathroom and clean it (halfway of course). Put a few things away that lie on the sink. Hang up a few shirts that I ironed and then start rearranging my walk-in closet. I don't know how it happens, it just does.

~Which has finally lead me to believe, yep I am an adult with ADHD. And sometimes it propels me to get many things accomplished and many times it completely paralyzes me because there are so many things I want to do, I end up doing none of them. This needs to be addressed but not here, today.

~I wuss out. I get afraid. I get lost in the mire of where to begin and the overwhelm of who to talk to, present my ideas, my creativity and so I don't. I just curl up in a ball and continue to do work I could care less about and make money that a college kid could earn. That is outright embarrassing, but true.

~Likes, interests, desires, curiosities, possibilities...I have so many things I've thought about doing for fun, for money, for a career that I have ended up doing NONE of them. Holy crips. The list is so long it is ridiculous  I have never been able to settle on anything. Okay, that is not entirely true. I did start and finish Massage School and work as a therapist for 14 years (when I could have been getting a number of degrees, but I didn't). I also got my aesthetics license, twice but that is a story for another post.

The negative voice in me says these are all EXCUSES.

The sweet, tender, go on, don't give up me says, "You finally know why you are the way you are, now you have to find a way to deal with it and go out an claim the professional life you've always wanted." It is there for you, waiting, if you will just pick it up. Go, baby, go. Don't hide anymore. Today is your day, now, it begins right here.

While it seems scary and big and wildly ambitious, I also feel like WHY THE HECK NOT? I have done more things out of character in the last 8 years than I ever have and I have become happier than I ever have. It's okay to rattle and shake things up.

Makes me think of the lyrics from Florence and the Machine...

The dogs days feel like they are over, because there is a shift inside. Stay tuned.

3 Weeks Late?

Bahhaha, not that kind of late silly! I would be a medical miracle if I was worried that I had turned up preggers. You know, seeing as I only sleep with my GF and all. Ha!

I met with the nicest man today. In case you don't know, I am job hunting and have been for about a month now.

Job hunting could be called other things, especially when you have foregone a formal education and screwed around with all free time life has availed to you and still have managed to NOT finish your degree but as always... I digress, where was I?

Oh yeah, job hunting, should read something like this in the dictionary;

job hunting - a way to make one's self never want to arise out of bed, stand up right, shower, dress, and look presentable again just so you can be ignored, rejected, or told you are over or under qualified.

job hunting - the manner in which one successfully finds a way to obliterate any ounce of self esteem you may have managed to kept in tact up to this point in time.

job hunting - a sure fire way to make you want to go out and spend every dime you have on lotto tickets because the odds of winning seem about as close to getting hired anywhere for anything.

Back to 3 weeks late. I popped in for an application (yes, live and in person and NOT on-line) at a certain establishment I frequent. It had been suggested to me by one of their employees that I would fit right in and should apply for work there. So I did, but at a location just a bit closer to home. I brought my application back, smiled, waited, answered a few questions and then was told to check back. So I did. I checked back where basically I was told they had over hired for the holidays and it was not likely they would need me. Essentially, the kiss off.

Then I decided to head to another location of the same establishment. Where I was actually greeted and given eye contact by the manager. Yay, me!  He printed out an application and asked me to return it to him in a week. The actually owners of the entire business were heading in for store visits the following week and he did not want to hear back from me until that was done and laid to rest. So be it.

I went back in yesterday and he was not there. The person I spoke to advised me to come back today at 11:00am and see him in person, which is exactly what I did.

I waited while the Brinks guards did their money transaction, I waited while a woman was getting a refund, I walked around the store to see some of the new items for the holidays. I finally made my way up to the front desk and was greeted by someone who suggested the manager would want to see me face to face. They directed me to head back to the BOH (back of the house) or distribution area, or whatever you call it. I walked back through and he was standing there, gave me a smile. I told him I was directed back this way to see him and he asked me to head back out front to wait for him. So I did.
This man is the first one who was nice enough to at least take the time to speak to me. He suggested we head outside to the perfect weather (which it is right now).  And yes, he told me I was about 3 weeks too late. This is when I ask the universe why didn't I hit this location rather than the other one first???? Because I went there three weeks ago!!! He told me we would be having a different conversation if I had been there then. Okay, so why that is good news (meaning I may actually be considered for a position) it sucks. He went on to say he had hired some seasonal people that were driving him crazy already and he may be calling me, but he couldn't promise anything. I understand but, shit, crap, (&^%$, because I am finding this staying home thing is driving me crazy. Really, it is time for me to go back to work. Now. Today. A purpose. Somewhere to be and something to do. Oh yeah, and a paycheck would be an added bonus.

But at least this gentleman restored my faith just a tad in humanity. I was really beginning to feel as if   this town was giving me the finger in a most major way. I know I get easily discouraged. I know I don't take rejection well. But I also know I have a great work ethic and really I just want to get back at it. Now please, dear Universe.

Who Knew?

On a hunt for delicious produce, I headed east to the Farmer's Market in Henderson. I was driving around in search of a parking place in the shade and passed this sign. It was in front of their house/business???

I think my favorite thing about this is that you can drop off your "kill" 24/7, really???? That just cracks me up, welcome to Southern Nevada, yee-haa!!!